Why Relationships Fail (Really)
Men and women have an inherent need to for human companionship, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and intellectually. It’s inbreed in all of us, a part of our chemistry make up. We all want to love and be loved. So why do so many relationships fail?
Typically, it begins with you meeting someone with whom you feel an instant chemistry. Of course, you start dating and seeing each other more and more. Things go well for a while and, inevitably, the two of you then decide to take it to the next level and begin that crazy, emotional journey we call a “relationship”. So why do so many relationships end up in the shit can?
Sure, infidelity, money, and abuse (among many other things) certainly play their part in why relationships fail. However, there are more ordinary and boring reasons why many couples may never proudly proclaim their 50th year anniversary.
Moving too Fast (or not fast enough!)
Nothing will ruin a relationship quicker than moving too fast. We all know this one… you meet someone and hit it off and one of you is ready to move in, or dare I say get married, before you even know their last name! Of course, I made this mistake before myself. I married my ex-husband after only dating for three months. Doomed to fail… and it did, terribly. A relationship cannot possibly last if the two of you know nothing about each other. If you think it can, you are setting yourself up for major disappointment. (Don’t get me wrong, there have been exceptions to this rule.)
There is, however, a completely other side to this coin and that is not moving fast enough. Maybe you have known that girlfriend (or male friend) of yours who has been with their significant other for like seven years and they still calmly await the day for their partner to pop the question or make a commitment of some sort! And then they move on (hopefully) knowing that it’s never going to come. (Or, being the fool that they are, continue to wait.)
Incompatibility and Growing Apart
I truly believe these two dynamics are the biggest reason why relationships fail. Many people get together and fall head over heels (or should I say they have their head up their ass?) No matter how you shake a stick at it love is blind.
People get together and find they love so many things about someone and decide not to think about all the things they have observed in dislike. We begin to tell ourselves that we can deal with all the little things that drive us insane about this person because there are so many other things we find attractive.
As such every feeling and emotion that makes us feel good when we are with this person takes over. And it certainly feels much better than anger, resentment, and disgust. Love blinds these feelings. Sure we feel all the bad emotions, but the love soon covers them up again with scents of roses while belting out your favorite love song (for a while anyway).
People don’t become incompatible and grow apart after a period of time. They have always disagreed on certain things and have always been traveling in a different direction. We just simply choose ignore our differences and tell ourselves that we can adapt or possibly change our direction.
Well, that works swimmingly until we realize that we can no longer ignore certain things. You know the ones, they rise up from the deep recesses of our minds and our hearts and become important to us once again. And then the breakdown begins. First, the breakdown in communication, the disagreements turned to fights, the distance in intimacy. But we live with all of this for a spell because now we really do love each other and our hearts are invested and part of us thinks Maybe.
Then, one or both of you decide that it’s just better to separate and go your separate ways. Of course, you can only hope it is that simple. The truth of the matter is, it’s not about who did what wrong or who gives or takes more and it’s not about incompatibility or growing apart. It’s really about settling for less than what you know in your heart you really want. And isn’t that really why relationships fail?
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