Should I worry about a girl he works with?

by Jennifer
(Ridge.,NY)

I've been dating this guy now for about a month. It was truly love at first sight. We get along so well and have the same personality, the only thing that makes us different is our taste in music and movies, other then that we're a good match. I've met most of his family already, and they all approve. He's met my parents and they like what they see so far. Yesterday we were hanging out and he told me that he was going to be adding a girl he works with on facebook. He stated she is into the same stuff as him such as video games and music.

When I asked what she looked like he said o not my type at all, you'd have nothing to worry about. Later on in the night he was telling me how everyone he works with has a work wife and I asked well do you want one and he stated I’m not sure. I then said well what exactly is a work wife and he said just someone you're friendly with at work. Ever since this discussion I've felt sick to my stomach and worried. He does have a picture of us at his desk, but I'm still just so worried. What should I do? I don't want to accuse him of cheating, however I hate the feeling I'm having when I think about it.

Dear Jennifer,

First, the fact that your boyfriend stated he is unsure whether he wants a "work wife" or that you even asked him this question tells me the both of you have no idea what it actually means. A “work spouse” is nothing more than a term some yahoo decided to give to a co-worker with whom you spend the majority of your time with AT WORK who also happens to be a member of the opposite sex.

Honestly, if my fiancé came home and referred to anyone as his “work wife” I would be offended. I would tell him the only person that will hold any title with the word “wife” in it would be me! So I completely understand why you’re sick about it.

It seems like you and your boyfriend are off to a good start; you have most things in common (music and movies no biggie, me and Corey are the same way :) and you got an A from the fam. Who cares if this girl likes some things that he does. If they work together I am sure it makes it much easier to get through the workday. No one wants to go to work and have nothing to talk about with coworkers. That would suck. As far as Facebook, I have many male friends; some that I’ve worked with and even some I have dated in the past. As long as they aren’t being inappropriate don’t worry about it.

If I were you, tell him how you feel about it. Don’t be defensive, just simply tell him your feelings (the best time to do this is usually after sex, trust me!). Make sure you also share the real definition of “work spouse” as well. And what, he thinks he wants a “work wife” because everyone at work has one? This is a fad that will wear off quicker than Facebook took over Myspace. He needs to be his own man and not follow the herd.

As far as his cheating, don’t make yourself sick over something that you have no reason to worry about. IF, and that’s a big if, you begin to see signs that are making you question his faithfulness with this chic, then come back here and we’ll talk again.

Men do not see certain things as unacceptable until you tell them so. Silence only gives him the go ahead. Voice your concerns and your feelings and he should understand.

All the best,