She Met Him in a Bar, Will it Last?

I've been dating a guy for about a year now. We didn't meet under the best circumstances; we met at a bar and quickly started getting physical. Our first sexual experience was in the back of his car in the bar parking lot.

He's very emotionally distant from me. He doesn't say I love you unless he's drunk. He also talks about past girlfriends and his some of his text messages and phone calls.

I feel like I’m obsessed and for the most part he acts like he doesn't care. Rarely he'll pronounce his love.

Even when I want to break up with him I don't because I feel like I need him.

Kell
United States

Dear Kell,

Hmm, a year and you guys are still together? Amazing... really. Let me break this down for ya:

You met in a bar; very rarely, if ever, do people stay together that have met each other in a bar (this is where I met my EX husband). Did you really go to the bar that night thinking “I’m going to meet the man of dreams here tonight.”? I highly doubt it. Not saying it hasn’t or it couldn’t happen, just not likely (certainly not one of those romantic stories you share with your children when your 50). I mean how do you tell your hypothetical daughter in twenty years that her father had so much respect for you that he banged you in the back seat of his car the very first time you were together?

He is emotionally distant and only tells you he loves you when he’s drunk; I repeat you met him in a bar.

And you’re right, you are obsessed. Do you know why? Because you are with someone that you so desperately want to want you, but they never will and it is very hard for you to accept that. He is never going to care for you the way you want him to. One; because he met you in a bar... don’t think for a minute he has any respect for you. Men who meet women in bars that sleep with them in their car the same night in the parking lot are never going to want to stay with you, marry you, or have children with you (you’re lucky he has stayed with you this long). Why do you think he is so distant? Why do you think it takes liquid courage for him to declare his love for you? He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t even respect you because you do not respect yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging you – he is.

Two; because men do not want women to need them. If you’re telling me that you need him, do you think that he can’t feel that vibe from you? Also, he is talking about and talking to his ex’s? When you’re with someone, especially after a year, the two of you usually come to an agreement about these things. It’s called mutual RESPECT. If your gut is telling you he doesn’t care, then odds are he doesn’t. Trust your gut and get out. This relationship is toxic for the both of you.

Men will respect you when you respect yourself...
Eda

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