More Than Friends?

I became friends with this guy about a year and a half ago. It was actually a small group of us that started hanging out all at the same time - a couple of guys and girls. We get along really well, he makes me laugh, and he is attractive. Initially, I wasn't interested nor thought he was. But then my friends started telling me that he really likes me - he would go to my other friend's birthday party in Brooklyn (where he didn't know anyone), he helped me paint my apartment - but I think he is just being a good friend. And here is why -

yes, he makes flirtatious comments to me but he does so with other girls in the group, he tells me about other women he dates/sleeps with, he never even made a suggestion of a move on me.

However, I noticed that after my friends planted that seed in my mind, I am noticing myself being more attracted to him and wondering if he likes me more than friends. (They even compared us to "When Harry Met Sally") Am I reading too much into this? Is he really just a good friend? Does he want to be more than friends? If not, should I just let it be or try somehow bring it to the next level? Answering these myself, I still think he is just being a friend and has no interest in me in any other way.

“M”
New York

Dear “M”,

I certainly don’t think your reading too much into this at all. You’ve obviously become very close with this guy and the two of you get along great. Ah, isn’t that how all great love affairs begin? (In all our favorite movies anyway) Seriously though, if you really want to see if your friendship could possibly bloom into something more than friends why not go for it? He sounds like a great guy (any guy that would help you paint your apartment or go to a party where he knows NO ONE is a shoe in; in my opinion! Attractive… BONUS). Leave it to our friends to put an idea into our heads that we otherwise may not have even given a second thought to, right…

However, now that the thoughts are there and you are beginning to develop feelings, I don’t think you should ignore them altogether. What if he really is the guy for you? Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith (actually I believe if more of us did we would be a much happier and sane society). There are of course certain ways to go about it AND you must be willing to let the chips fall where they may and accept the outcome without ruining your friendship in the process.

The next time just the two of you are together and hanging out throw this at him: “So, (his name here)… uh, how would you feel…” (Be coy and take it slow, know that you are getting his attention) “If you say no its o.k. and I don’t want you to feel awkward… but how would you feel about the two of us going out on an actual date?” If you go about it this way it’s still cool and the worst he can say is no right? It’s a lot less embarrassing than if you move in for an unexpected romantic kiss and he pushes you away with a Whoa, where did that come from?.

Now, he may think about it for a minute out of shock but there are only two answers here: (1) Yes, he has wanted to be more than friends for a while but thought you would say no or (2) He tells you that he really enjoys your friendship and doesn’t want to ruin it. Either way, you know where you stand and you don’t have to keep wondering. If he does say no don’t take it personally; he still sounds like a great guy to have in your life (My Best Friend's Wedding ring any bells?) And who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised.

I wish you the best of luck and would love to get an update!
Eda

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