She will only marry with a lot of Dowry

Hallow Eda!

Am a man aged 30yrs. Nearby where I live there is a lady whom I love her so much. One day I introduced this issue to my best friend. Two days later my friend on behalf of me introduced the topic to the lady. The lady told my friend that she can only be married with a lot of dowery. What should I do, I need her so much.

Ngaunje,Dar es Salaam, Tanzania

Dear Ngaunje,

I’d like to start by telling you that I was not familiar with your country or your culture until I did some research after receiving your email. Although I was intrigued with what I found, I was also saddened. If two people love each other something as trivial as monetary means should not get in the way.

But with respect to your culture, I would suggest speaking to this lady you love so much yourself. Never send a friend. Get to know this lady, let her get to know you (maybe you have already done this). Spend time together and let your love grow. In the end love will always lead the way. I read that dowry in your country is actually given to the bride; and with that she does with it what she pleases. If you start to spend time with this lady, maybe being with you will be more important to her than what kind of “gift” you can give to her to have her as your wife. Maybe she will see everything else you have to give to her. Love, respect, companionship, understanding; only a few of the more important ingredients that make for a lasting, nurturing relationship. Maybe after you show her that you can provide these things and win her heart, she will accept a gift from you that you are able to provide.

Best of luck to you Ngaunje!
Eda

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