Lost Love Returned

Ask Eda...

A guy I went to college with emailed me recently (out of the blue). We had a one night fling back then, but I had just started seeing someone and it ended awkwardly. After many emails/texts, I find out that he really wants me to visit him (a 2 hr plane ride away), and that he really wanted to date me back in college. I'm excited about the prospect, but a few weird things: We've only had one actual phone conversation at my request (it was very nice), and he only texts me on weekdays while he is at work. This is obviously suspicious, and as a girl who's been burned before, I'm afraid of getting hurt. I know he doesn't owe me anything as we're not dating, but I would like to find out where I stand without sounding clingy/jealous. I need an outside opinion of the situation. I'm so conflicted right now!

Gigi
CA, United States

Dear Gigi,

A lost love returned! How exciting! Especially if the two of you shared a sensual evening together (even if it was only a one night fling). Obviously you felt more than a one night fling if you’re so worried about it, more importantly, obviously he felt more if he is now contacting you. So you have had a wonderful phone conversation and you have shared texts and emails; what about it only being on the weekends? You’re right, he doesn’t owe you an explanation; maybe he is extremely busy in his work or any other goal he is currently involved in aspiring to. It could be suspicious; it could also be that you are just jaded. Men, and their ego, are afraid of admitting their mistakes and we women take everything so personally. Be thankful he even contacted you. Most men wouldn’t; no matter how much they wanted to see a girl that completely blew them away and then something or someone got in their way.

If you are interested in finding out where this could go, take the chance! Fly two hours to see him (especially if he is willing to pay) or make him come to you. However, don’t think of him as your recovering a long lost chance of finally having the night in shining armor of your dreams or you will get hurt (your doing, not his); rather think of it as a chance to find a piece of yourself and have a good time in the process.

Revel in the reality that someone from your past thinks enough of you to contact you after all this time (it was apparently platinum!). He wants to talk with you and spend time with you and that is flattering in and of itself (meaning you are a cool girl and he is having some feelings of “regret” and would like to see if something more is possible). This means that even if he doesn’t jump on the chance to be with you forever, SOMEONE WILL! Trust me; I have wasted a lot of time on trying to define experiences rather than enjoy them and learn from them.

Just go with the flow and enjoy your time with him without trying to define it. There is plenty of time for “definition” if it gets to that point. First you have to see each other and spend some time together to even see if it could extend to that point. Where is the fun in living if you never risk anything? Or more importantly if you constantly worry about where something might go. Stop worrying and simply enjoy... Live for the moment; don’t let the moment live for you. If neither of you have any “ties that bind” presently, where is the harm? And if it does go somewhere in the future it will all be worth it. But, you have to have the mindset that even if it doesn’t go anywhere, it-was-still-worth-it!

Go in with an open, yet controlling heart and it can never be broken...

Eda

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