Is it my fault?

by angela
(delphi, India)

M divorce, dtd a guy he died..he loved me. Wud ask me 2 hv fone sex..got violent ovr fone n used to mk fun of my fatness at times..tried breaking up bt patched n now he is dead..he used 2 buy expensive gifts fr me ..ws i wrong? I never wanted to be wronged again. V had kissed each other a few times n had met 6 times he wanted to marry me bt i was not sure towards the end. is it my fault.



Dear Angela,


Let me start by saying I am sorry for your loss and this in no way is your fault. The second thing I must point out is, this man you speak of did not love you. Men who love the woman they are with do not get violent and they do not make fun of you.

It seems to me that you were in an abusive relationship that you tried your hardest to get out of. He would buy you expensive gifts to keep you around. Should you have accepted those gifts? Sure, why the hell not? If that is a little consolation for the way he treated you than so be it. I will tell you though, do not take a man’s gifts in the future if he thinks it gives him the right to treat you any way he wishes.


The phone sex part is not really bad, unless of course you did not want to do it. You should never do anything you feel uncomfortable with! Furthermore, he was violent with you and tormented you into believing you were not thin enough for him. Well if he wanted a thin women, that’s what he should have been looking for and left you alone. This is not your fault; there was something wrong with him for failing to realize he had a beautiful caring woman beside him.

In the future, recognize these signs. If you believe you are being mistreated, then you are. It is only your fault if you refuse to put a stop to it and allow it to continue. You have control over your life and how others treat you.


Again, I am so sorry for your loss. But don’t ever settle for anything less than you deserve. Ever.