Interactive sex sites

by Beth
(Toronto, Ontario Canada)

A couple of weeks ago, I was on my boyfriend’s laptop and noticed in his history he had visited interactive sex sites with webcams. You go on and watch them and make comments. I asked him about it and he said he had. I said I am not comfortable about you going on there, as it is interactive. I have no problem with him and me watching porn, but I told him this is different and please don’t do it and he said all right.

Last night, I went to bed early and he stayed up to watch TV. I could see him go on his laptop and start typing like he was talking to someone. So I came out of the bedroom and said what are doing. He immediately shut his computer down. He said he was looking at porn and I said no you were typing to someone and talking to them. I said until you tell me the truth, we are not talking. He knew I had caught him, so he finally admitted we was on that website again.

I am furious and feel betrayed that he still did it behind my back and lied to me about it even after I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. He said it is just like looking at porn and I said then why not just go to a porn site. He apologized, but I really don’t know what to do. I feel like he totally disrespected me on this. We have a great sex life and I am so hurt by this? Any thoughts, am I making to big a deal about this?



Dear Beth,

You are NOT making a big deal about this! First of all this is something you feel strongly about and he completely ignored this fact. Second of all, it’s kinda creepy! I liken this to the dirty old man who walks into the back room of the sex store, puts a 5 dollar bill into the slot and the window lifts to reveal the hooker behind it; there to perform his every last request, albeit behind a glass wall.

Really? Yes I understand a man’s need or want for porn once in a while but to go so far as to visit an interactive sex site? Plus, you know he’s paying for it… Eww. Disturbing to say the least, especially if you claim your sex life is great! WTF?

I actually conferred with my fiancé on this one. I do this sometimes just to get a man’s point of view on things. He tends to agree with me. Actually his words were, “That’s kinda gross…” this coming from a man who is a huge fan of porn in moderation. Is it cheating? I’m not sure if I would go that far, but it certainly is crossing a line. It would be no different if he were chatting it up and getting cozy with some chic in a chat room. Definitely borderline.

You have every right to be upset, since, of course, he already agreed he wouldn’t visit again. It is disrespectful and I would be hurt too. All you can do at this point is sit him down and have a heart to heart.

Explain to him how this hurt you and that you are dead set that he not visit again. If he loves you, he will be willing to respect your feelings. Period. If he visits again behind your back, well, maybe he needs some professional help (either that or a good swift kick in the ass).

Talk to him. Don’t be defensive just get him to really listen to your concerns. If he still won’t agree to give up his seedy little habit, depending on how long you’ve been together, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.

I hope things go well. Don’t hesitate to come back here if you need me further. I am always here to help!