I see you as my sister...

by kears
(NZ)

Well,
I meet this boy about 6 months ago. He was the one that started the fling, we were friends and I had never been in a relationship before I was 17 then. He was the kindest person I had meet in a long time and we hung out as much as we could. We would talk text facebook from about 7.30 am to 2am the next morning. I thought that we were together and that’s what he told me. But the catch being he was moving to America for an athletics scholarship.

I knew this but we still kept it going. He put everything in my hands. We took a long time to get together and once we did it was even better, I had never been so happy. Because before all of this we had many ups and downs one time telling me to give up on him but the following day saying he didn’t know why he said that.

About three weeks after us finally getting together everything seemed normal... and he text me telling me he needed to tell me something, I was confused when he decide to tell me that he seen me as his sister. I couldn't think about it for a long time, he was the first boy I truly ever liked basically loved. I couldn’t talk to him and all his friends didn’t understand where it came from. They tried to tell me that he always told them how much he cared for me and how much he liked me. They told me how he had changed since being around me and that he had changed for the better.

Now about 3 months have passed after he told me the news im still confused the things that he said on that night still linger in my head, right after calling me his sister he talked about how much he treasures me and cares for me and loves me. I just don’t see the logic in this. His friends all say still its because he is moving away and I usually believe it.

He has now changed and he has become the old guy again. And whenever we see each other we cant even look at each other in the eye. It hurts I miss him allot and I now only have a month to reconnect our friendship. Because I would rather him in my life then not at all. And with the ideas in my head of him saying that it’s only because he is leaving, I give myself hope. I have tried everything I have tried making him jealous and not talking to him but this is all just making him angry. I NEED HELP

Dear Kears,

It seems as if he is as confused as you are. He is leaving for America soon, unless you plan to join him sometime down the road, I would keep this as simple as possible.

I understand that he is your first real relationship and that can be a hard one. But there is no reason the two of you can’t leave on good terms. Stop trying to make him jealous. That only makes him angry and feel insignificant and it makes you appear heartless.

If you want him to remain in your life in some way, don’t do anything to him that you would not want him to do to you. It is possible to remain friends. Reconnect with him by first apologizing for the way you have acted. It was childish. Of course we all do childish things when we are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt.

Arrange to email each other and keep up to date with what is going on in your lives. The two of you care about each other; there is no harm in staying connected while thousands of miles away. However, do make it clear that you are not together!

It is very important that once he does leave, both of you are free game. You must be willing to accept this. Hell it’s hard enough to maintain a relationship states away, let alone oceans. I would wait to do this when he leaves. Re-establish your friendship now; define it before he goes.

Once he does leave, give yourself time to get over this. When you’re ready, get back out there and live your life. The first one is sometimes the hardest and the most memorable, but I guarantee you, there is so much more to come!