I dont get it!?

by Katie
(Gimli, Manitoba)

I dated this guy for 5 yrs. We lived together for 4 yrs and have a child together. I am extremely close to his family and so is our child. The thing is we broke up a while back and have had an on/off relationship since then.

Every girlfriend hes had since, hes cheated on them with me. Hes also very distant. I still love him and would like my family back together. I dont know what to do from here. Is he using me? If I were to have a random booty call, why call someone so closely connected and where it would cause endless drama?!

When we're around our child and his family he'll either say comments like how if I was like this while we were together, things would be so different now and how nice I am (Hes constantly brings up times of when we were together) or he bitches cause Im around too much. I have tried to end this by saying we can cut off all contact between us and work through a third party, but he refuses. Yet he still texts/calls me. I would like him back, but would like your input on my situation. Does he still care and do I have a shot or am I being used and should move on?


Dear Katie,

Ask yourself one important question here… Do you want your child to grow up believing this is the way love is and how a relationship should work? I think you and I both know the answer here. Obviously this guy has a lot of growing up to do and he in no way wants any type of commitment from you or any other woman for that matter.

Is he using you? That’s a hard question to answer, but I’m sure he cares about you. Your giving him exactly what he wants. He wants to be a dad and be in your life as a family when he wants to be.

You need to step up and place some boundaries in your relationship. Cutting off all contact is not an option here, you do have a child together. However, stop being his booty call and believing for one second you can make it work with him. The only communication you should be having (texts, phone calls, whatever) should be about your child ONLY!

You can control the situation. If he texts you and wants to see you to get his grove on, don’t answer! People only treat you the way you allow them to. By giving in to him you’re not only telling him his actions are o.k., you’re making yourself insane because things are not going to change. He’s not going to wake up one day and realize he is an idiot, at least not for a long time and hopefully you will move on long before then.

I understand you love him and you would give anything to have your family together. You can’t control him but you can control yourself…

Remember, he's not the only one contributing to the drama... Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself. You and your child deserve better.