How can you get a man to move on in the relationship?

by Eryn McKeller
(Mansfield, Ohio USA)

My boyfriend and I are in our mid thirties, and we have been together a year. He talks about moving our relationship to the next level, and that he wants to get married in the summer. However we have not made any attempts and taking the relationship to the next level. We do not live together, we are not engaged, we barely spend time together due to our busy schedules.

Our relationship is almost entirely through text messages and phone conversations. Every time he says he is going to give me the engagement ring, he picks a fight with me and it results in us breaking up and him saying I was going to give you the ring. But he never does. He gets upset when he is with his friends because majority of them are married and have children, neither of which he has. How can I get him to either commit or make up his mind what he really wants? I am very confused and would like to know what your thoughts on this situation is and if you have any advise.



Dear Eryn,


Oh I feel your pain sister! You're both in your mid thirties; definitely prime time to consider the big jump. However, I don’t think you should even be considering marriage until the two of you have lived together.

Corey and I dated for about a year before he started hinting at marriage. I, on the other hand suggested it was time for us to “take it to the next level” and move in with each other. He proposed a year later. My rule used to be that you should be together for three years before even thinking of marriage, but two years will suffice.

It seems your boyfriend loves you and intends on spending his life with you otherwise he wouldn’t even suggest you be his wife. Granted you have been together a year and I truly believe after a year you pretty much know where you want to go in your relationship. I would suggest that, first and foremost, tell him to stop saying he’s “gonna put a ring on it”. He’s just blowing smoke up your ass. Arguing with you and then telling you “Oh, I was gonna…” only shows his blatant hesitation.

Now is the time to take it to the next level. BUT, that doesn’t have to be a ring. Take the pressure off of him. Suggest moving in together. Granted we all live busy lives, but by moving in together, you can solidify your relationship and BOTH of you can decide after a while if marriage is really in the cards for you. Explain to him the biggest benefits of this: saving money! Men love to save money. Hell when you move in together you share all of the expenses and have soooo much more extra money between the two of you. Win win! (This won Corey moving in with me after a year of course.)

If he brings up the marriage thing, just blow it off. Act as if you don’t care. Kinda like the whole reverse psychology thing. He wants to be sure, make him realize he’s making the right decision in being with you. Making the smaller step of moving in together will make or break your relationship. HOPEFULLY, it will (and it should) lay the groundwork that you need to get the diamond ring!

It’s only been a year. Move in together and take yet another year to be sure this is really going to work. Trust me, it is very different dating someone and living with someone. A year isn’t that long and if he is serious about wanting to make it official with you, he will be more than willing to take this to the next level and share his space and make a home with you without feeling like he has to commit to an engagement. Men do a lot of things on impulse; making a commitment in a relationship is not one of them.

If he moves in, that IS a true commitment. It will let him ease into what he already says (and deep down knows) he is going to do anyway. You just kinda give him the control (in his mind anyway). Just tell him, “ Ya know, stop talking about the marriage thing; let’s just move in together and see how things go from there…” Or something to that effect. NO pressure is the key!

If you’re gonna talk the talk, you better be prepared AND able to walk that walk. It’s way past time for him to shit or get off the pot. You just have to make it seem like it is his idea! ;)
Good luck! Let me know how you do Eryn…