Confused.

by Bella
(Canada)

Dear Eda,

I met the most amazing guy about a month ago. However, he informed me that he would be leaving for Europe for five weeks and we both agreed we would see where our relationship would take us after he got back.

The night before he left, I made a stupid drunken mistake and hooked up with someone at a club I didn't know, who happened to be this guys friend. Obviously the news got back to him, and he sent me angry text messages the next day saying how he never wanted to have anything to do with me again and deleted me off facebook etc... A few hours passed by and literally 5 minutes before his flight, he sent me another text message saying how he was happy he met me, and he would see what happened after he got back from Europe, and he would "maybe" talk to me when he got back.

Then, a couple days later, he RE-ADDS me on Facebook and I sent him a long apology message (one from the heart!). He never replied to it, however he is back from Europe.

I don't know weather to contact him and what to say, or wait for him to contact me.
Please give me some advice Eda. I’ve had feelings of regret and guilt and he's been on my mind the entire Summer.


Dear Bella,

Yikes! That sucks so bad, but life as you know it is not going to crumble before your eyes. He was obviously pissed and even though he may be reaching, I can understand. Think of how you would have felt if the shoe was on the other foot. Although he shouldn’t be pissed at you, it’s kinda human nature. Of course, given the fact that you only knew each other for 4 weeks takes a little of the heat off you.

You say you both agreed that you would reevaluate your “relationship” when he returned from his being out-of-the-country. That screams no commitment! So you had a drunken fling. Your single and the two of you did the smart thing by not committing to anything until he came back! If it had been any other guy (that he didn’t know) it would have been completely different right?

I understand how you feel, but I think you and him are taking this way too seriously. I mean, it is kinda serious, but not so much so that you should feel so much regret and guilt. Apparently he has had a bit of a reality check himself by the fact that he “re-added” you to Facebook. The two of you were not a couple, not yet anyway. He is just pissed because now, if you do get together, he has to picture you with his friend whenever he is around this friend of his.

Unless the two of you had some sort of agreement before he left that you would be “waiting” for him, you have nothing to worry about. Unless you had the “conversation” before he left that you would “wait” for him, you should not feel guilty at all!

The only thing I can tell you is at this point, do not contact him! I repeat, DO NOT contact him. If things happened as you say (with me filling in some blanks), he is the one feeling like, Damn, I should have had the “conversation” with her before I left! Or perhaps he is kicking himself in the ass for not asking you to wait for him.

He made an effort on Facebook (although half-ass) so give him a while and he may come around. You sent him an email. The ball is in his court. No one is wrong here. You were not wrong for having a one night stand no more than he is wrong for being angry (or regretful) about the whole situation. He should have spoken up before leaving. I would venture to say he is more pissed at himself right now than you.

If you really like this guy, give him some time. If he really likes you he will realize all is fair in love and war. When he left, you were fair game to any guy, his friends or not. And you should realize that you should not feel guilty for doing your thing while he is doing his. We are no different than men… unless it is defined that we are monogamous or we are awaiting our sweet prince’s return (hint of sarcasm), why should we hold back?

Get rid of the guilt sister and let him come to you ‘cause you did nothing wrong…