My Brothers Ex Girlfriend

Ask Eda...: First off I’m sorry this may be long but anyways there's this older girl that I’m in love with.. I've told her that I love her and want to be with her. She’s 26 and I’m 19. However, she's deeply in love with my bro. They’re not together but they used to be like 7 yrs ago. They have a son together. But I’ve been around her more and more and have actually got to know her.. I used to hate her because of personal reasons and I talked bad to her. But I’ve told her that I feel the complete opposite now. I think about her all the time. I hate it when she's crabby and not smiling. Her smile brightens my day up. Every song reminds me of her and I c her everywhere. I’d do anything for her if she'd only ask. She’s got trust issues and don't really trust anyone.

Anyways, my bro just recently started calling her and coming around and she lets him.. He’s stayed over her house. However I’m currently living with her to help with her 3 kids. My brother's ex girlfriend says that she's trying to get over him and loose those feelings but I’m not sure. by her letting him come here and staying over nite it don't seem like it to me. I’m not quite sure what advice that I want but if you can provide me with any that you think would be helpful. Also I do want to no how I can prove my feelings for her. I’ve done everything that I’ve thought of and she stills says I only think I do because I’m around her. But since I’ve been here I’ve dated another girl and the whole time I was wit her, I thought about the one I love. She deserves better then my bro. he's hurt her more then once and I’m sure that he'll do it again.

thanks alot for help Eda.. and please email any advice that you think would help..

sincerely

Wayne
KY
United States

Dear Wayne,

Oh Wayne, you are in a bad spot aren’t you my friend? Let me start by asking you what the hell are you doing living with your brothers ex girlfriend?! With your nephew no less… She has two other children that I assume are not your brothers, otherwise you would have said so. My dear, you can help out without living with someone. You can baby-sit, or loan her money. That’s fine; but actually living with with your brothers ex girlfriend? There are just certain lines you don’t cross.

I guess it would be different if it wasn’t your brother’s ex girlfriend! Granted, in previous posts I have told others “you can’t help who you love”. But I gotta tell ya, this is a completely different story. How are you going to explain all of this to this child when he is older, IF it goes the way you plan? It would be different if your brother was killed in combat and you were helping out the mother of his child and things “just happened”.

In your case, your brother is being a total douche. That’s his problem and hers. Not yours! You should look out for your nephew but you should not be trying to weasel you’re way in because they are having issues. There are some things you just don’t do. You don’t date girls that your friends have been with and you certainly don’t date your brothers ex girlfriend!

Furthermore, you are only 19! No offense but you’re just a baby yourself. You have so much ahead of you. Your brother has made his bed and now it is time for him to lay in it. You on the other hand need to mind your business and move on with your life.

There is no doubt in my mind that you care for this woman and you love your nephew. But he is your nephew. And she obviously has issues of biblical proportions. She is using you. Daddy isn’t there to take care of business like a man should, so she turns to the brother who is young and naïve and willing to take care of her when she should be taking care of herself and her children.

You should be enjoying your life. Or should I say beginning your life. Your brother’s problems, including your brother's ex girlfriend, are his problems, not yours. And as selfish as this may seem, your nephew is not your problem. Neither is his mother! (not to say you shouldn’t care for and be there for your nephew) These are not your problems; your brother needs to step up and deal with this. She is letting him come around; of course she is she wants her family!

You may think you are in love with her; believe me, this too shall pass. Get out of this situation before you lose your brother and lose yourself, before you even have a chance to find you.

Go out with girls; get drunk; party! Have a good time! Go to college; figure out what is going to make you happy. This girl is not the answer. Find your passion and find yourself. Be successful. You can still help your nephew while you do all of this. HE should be the only concern here.

You keep taking about “her”. But I haven’t heard any concern about your nephew. So she has issues. They are her issues; NOT yours. Get away from your brother's ex girlfriend before you end up being the fourth father to her children. You have way too much ahead of you.

Don’t ruin your life before it even starts
Your friend
Eda