After the Affair

So now that you have uncovered your worst nightmare, what happens after the affair? How do you deal with the unruly sea of emotions that are raging through your mind and obliterating your heart? How do you get rid of the hurtful images that you are rampantly visualizing every other second of the day? How do you even begin healing after infidelity? Even more important, how do you, can you, forgive them?

Forgiveness, it’s an interesting concept; especially after an affair. Not many of us do it freely and yet we all desire it if we do something wrong. Amazingly enough there are some people who hold the capacity for such a selfless act. I unfortunately have never held this capacity; once someone has totally screwed me over I am done. As far as infidelity goes, if I am cheated on, I am more than done, I am ready to kill him and then make her feel like the rotten whore that she is. Actually, when my boyfriend and I first started dating, we had the whole conversation about “what if” one of us had an affair. We both agreed that if one of us strayed, it would be over; no questions asked.

How do you forgive someone once they have completely betrayed you; once they have shared a part of themselves that you thought was only meant for you; that was supposed to be only for you? I am not sure if this is possible. I know I couldn’t do it.

If it were up to me, people in serious relationships or those who are married, who have an affair should be punished by never being able to enjoy sex again; they should be hexed by an ancient witch doctor completely removing their ability to ever feel an iota of intimacy and never be able climax again!

But what should happen after the affair? Would your decision be affected if there were only one instance of them not being able to resist “temptation” or if it happened numerous times (as if once isn’t enough)? Would you stay if you had kids and leave if you didn’t? Would you consider going to counseling if they offered?

If you asked most people who have been there before, I am sure many would agree with me that “once a cheat always a cheat”. Not to mention the fact that after this gruesome truth has come to your attention, how can you ever be intimate with them again? After the affair, how would ever be able to trust them? Now, every time their phone rings you’re going to question who is on the other end. If they come home late your mind is going to regurgitate every vivid image you imagined when you first found out about the affair. And worst of all, while the two of you are having sex you’re going to be worrying if they are thinking about the other person! Who the hell wants to live like that? They have demolished any trust or respect that you had for them. Are you willing to spend the next ten years (or more) rebuilding everything they managed to destroy in the few minutes it took them to get off?

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