Could you be in an abusive relationship?

Most of the time people don’t know that they are entering an abusive relationship. Of course who would do so willingly? The signs always start out small and increase over time. In the beginning they are subtle and usually brushed off as not being a big deal. Here are some simple, but serious, signs of an abusive relationship:

• Possessiveness; this is different than jealousy which is a normal emotion. A person that is possessive looks at you as a piece of property and doesn’t value you as a person.

• They try to control what you do and say. They check up on you often; tell you where you can and can’t go and tell you what to wear; make it seem as if you can’t have your own opinion about things.

• You feel like you walk on eggshells around them. You’re afraid you might say or do something wrong and don’t want to make them angry. They let you know that they do not trust you.

• They put you down and call you names; later they tell you they were just joking. But they continue to do it even after you tell them how it makes you feel.

• They make everything seem like it’s your fault “Well if you wouldn’t have done ____ then I wouldn’t have done ____”

• When you try to address an issue they get angry easily and tell you that you’re overreacting.

These things usually begin after the first few months of a relationship. This is all a part of the manipulation. They begin to tear down your confidence and self esteem; make you feel like you’ll never find anyone else. You start to believe it and once they know they can get away with the little things they have you right where they want you and they will test their control over you:

• They make threats to harm you or themselves.

• They are cruel to the family pet.

• They are aggressive during sex.

• They begin to hit, choke, or kick you.

These are simply a few of the common signs of an abusive relationship. Keep in mind that these things continue to escalate over time and they will continue to put you down, control what you do, and physically abuse you if you stay in this relationship.

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, you need to talk to someone about it. Tell a family member or a close friend and they can help you with some of the things that you are going through. You don’t have to deal with this alone. You can also get help from your community domestic violence shelter; they can help you make a safety plan to get out. And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger ALWAYS call 911.

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